Many have calculated that the potential rewards of religious belief are infinite, and thus decided not to become atheists. But to what extent can you control belief? If I chose to believe in the existence of, say, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, I suppose I could kid myself into momentarily thinking it was possible, and I could certainly say I believed. That wouldn't mean I would believe in it, though. Because deep down, I would never truly accept that the Flying Spaghetti Monster existed. I could say I believe that 2+2 equals 1,895, but of course I know that's not true. If you don't belive in something, why even pretend to? It's almost worse than flat-out not believing, because you aren't even allowing yourself to have that opnion.
As far as religion goes, I don't have a very concrete belief. I'm having a harder and harder time convincing myself that there is a god. I don't discount the possibility, but I want to stop trying to believe in something I don't really have faith in. What good does it do to say you believe when you are, in reality, skeptical at best?
I was talking to my mom about this earlier today and was surprised by what she said. Though she teaches Sunday school and forces us all to attend church, she told me she doesn't really believe the Bible is true. I was further shocked when she said Jesus was most likely just some guy out for a scam and that science could easily explain the miracles he (He) performed. But she goes to church just in case, as well as to placate my fanatically religious Catholic grandmother (she's wonderful and eccentric, but even the fact that we go to a nondenominational church has put her on edge). I don't want to have to pretend like that. Belief should be genuine, not obligatory, or not at all.
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