Yesterday started out hectic. I was freaking out about Academic Challenge; I was so unbelievably nervous. More nervous than I had ever been at Power of the Pen, probably because this time I had other people relying on me, and I felt I would disappoint them if I gave a wrong answer. Plus it would be caught on camera.
I was shaking spastically as I sat down at the desk. I've done so many rounds of Quiz Bowl that you'd think I would stop getting so nervous, but no. I tried to look confident in the hopes that I could trick myself into feeling more confident, but the second the cameras staarted rolling, it was back to square one.
Technically I'm not supposed to divulge how we did, but I can say that I learned to trust myself more. I am rarely confident; the message that I can trust that I know the correct answers never seems to sink in. No matter how many times I get questions right, I still fear that the next question I answer will be the one that I get wrong. This isn't just in Quiz Bowl, either, it's in all aspects of my life. I am just never confident, no matter how much I may look the part. I know that that will keep me from earning a Darwin Award, but it will probably hinder me a lot too.
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